none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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