I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
