she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
