Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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