happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
