I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
