I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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