Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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