"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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