fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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