how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize