I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
