OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
