just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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