I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
