so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
