I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
