if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
