Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
