Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
