I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
