they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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