am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
