what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize