so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
