My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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