When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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