I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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