Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
