Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
