So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I FOUND THE LEGS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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