I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
