lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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