The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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