Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
