you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drake has all the answers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
