im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We need to rekindle our bromance
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
