Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just threw up on my dentist
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
