I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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