So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
only you would photoshop your dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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