I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
