shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
