The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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