worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
