East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
