He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
