Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
