So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
