Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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