You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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