I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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