dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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