its not stalking. its research.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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