I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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