1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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