Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
