One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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