she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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