your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
