Just fell off a train. Bad.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
