I cannot find my penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
