I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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