Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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