You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize